Kate Moss Can Do Five Lines of Cocaine in 40 Minutes! (And other apparent news)
Moss is also a spokesperson for Chanel, who proceeded to not renew her contract after Moss 'fessed up to her penchant for snorting things that are bad for you. Trackback the dis here.
Wait...Kate Moss does cocaine? Is the earth swallowing itself up as we speak? Are locusts about to descend upon us? Or is my sarcasm enough to relay that this comes as no surprise whatsoever? It's just as surprising as learning that George Bush, once again -- and during a crisis, has dropped the ball in his usual fantastically buffonish manner. I would've pegged Moss for a snorter as soon as she emerged onto the supermodel scene and made waif chic again; the waif look is the equivalent of the 1980's heroin chic, but without the nasty drug-related connotations. The picture to the left of Moss was taken quite early in her career, and she looks a bit like a walking skeleton-child who hasn't slept or eaten in years. As we've learned, long-term use of cocaine can deplete appetite and cause constipation, not to mention nasty bloodshot eyes and a perpetual haze. The picture on the right, however, is more recent and depicts a healthier looking Kate who looks quite sexy with her come-hither glance. But then again, the picture might have also been taken amidst a cocaine binge, so what do I know.
Item: The ratings are in, and Martha Stewart's "The Apprentice" premiered to a lackluster audience turnout. Even the Emmys bested Martha, and they usually suck. Trackback story here.
To add insult to injury, Martha's Apprentice was beat by a clip show of "Lost" on Wednesday, and that wasn't even a real episode.
I did manage to catch the first episode, and it wasn't half bad. It was a retread of Donald Trump's "The Apprentice," no doubt, but with a kindler, amiable Stewart running the show instead to rickety Trump and his bad toupée. Still, "You just don't fit in" will take some adjusting to, especially since it sounds so high-schoolish and conformist that I dread to think about how Martha came about thinking up such a playground taunt. Does she mean that the person doesn't fit in at her company, or in society in general?
Which brings me to the contestants, who are in their usual top form. Of note: Bethenny (34), natural foods chef, is most famous for dating the son of the guy who sits in the boardroom with Martha and tells her who should go home. In the first episode, Bethenny has established herself as an independent thinker with morals, but if you stare hard enough, her heavily hooded eyes kind of look dead inside. Jim (36), ad executive, brings the crazy. He's got a short temper and managed to alienate his team in five seconds. Everyone calls him a "loose cannon" because they can't think of a more creative way to say that he is so not a team player, but as simplistic as it sounds, it's true. And in his cast photo, he looks like actor Nicky Katt. Not that Katt is crazy. Howie (33), independent fashion company owner (called Priorities, for anyone interested), is charismatic and smooth. He read a not-very-good story to little kids and engaged their short attention span throughout. He's good so far, but the editing might be in his favour. Dawn (33), PR consultant, is like the woman at your work place that is utterly humorous and is constantly complaining about something. Give her a minute, and she'll tell you about her painful root canal, in detail. When given the task of writing copy for a children's book, Dawn requested to be left alone and then proceeded to bitch about the volume in the team's boardroom, although it was apparent that her teammates were going out of their way to curb their noise levels. Not good under pressure = an eventual meltdown = good ratings = a longer lifespan than she really deserves. And Marcela (27), cooking instructor, is the resident cutie. Although she's only uttered about five lines in the first show, the camera crew really loves her. I bet they'll make her answer the phone in her tank top and shorts as much as possible.
At least Martha's show is doing marginally better than "Head Cases," which was given the boot by FOX after a mere two episodes. Trackback the cancellation here. The time slot will be devoted to better shows like..."Nanny 911"? Poor Chris O'Donnell -- it's been a while since he's been able to catch a break.
Strongly suspecting that FOX never learns,